Tuesday 19 August 2014

Post the Hundred-and-Ninth - for Eva

I haven't quite finished the backlog, and I've somehow created even more of one, because I've had so much work to do over the past week and a bit. Even so, this post needs to be uploaded before any of the others, because it's very important in spite (or perhaps because) of how difficult it is to get the words onto paper...or rather screen.

Today is the first anniversary of my dear friend Eva's passing. That is a very odd sentence for me to write, partly because I haven't had a first anniversary like this in a while, but mostly because Eva was such a lively presence that it's really hard to think that she's not here.

Except, of course, she is...because such an irrepressible spirit as hers doesn't just up and leave. So today, amidst the sadness and the disbelief, I find I am also filled with an immense gratitude, for her being there, for being my friend and for making so many wonderful memories for me and everyone else who knew her.

In case you're reading this somewhere, Eva Weva, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for your laughter, so infectious that, no matter how I was feeling, I'd join in - and of course feel much better.

Thank you for your hugs, which were like an envelope of joy.

Thank you for your fierce independence - and fifteen-year-old you teaching fourteen-year-old me that I could have it, too, if I wanted.

Thank you for the (constant!) texts - a comforting reminder that you were always on the other end of the phone. I still have your number saved, and always will.

Thank you for the in-jokes - head-banging to The Killers' Mr. Brightside in Starbucks, for which you ribbed me mercilessly afterwards, before making me listen to Rhianna...and love her for your sake. Having secret chats in BSL about cute boys (after making sure they weren't signing, in case they understood). Pizza and 'anti-Paris Hilton' propaganda in the back garden, because we were drunk on fresh air and happiness. The hilarity at all the ridiculous situations we found ourselves in, mostly courtesy of Jane. Ha!

Thank you for the reminder, by way of the Spice Girls, that all you need is positivity.

Thank you for the love.

Thank you for being you.

Shine bright like a diamond.

Sunday 10 August 2014

Post the Hundredth - the wonders of whisky

I thought that, since I don't have anything major to report in this hundredth post, I could at least write something with a provocative title - and the last two days have given me just the right topic.

Anyone who knows me in real life will be aware that I don't like the taste of alcohol - except for whisky (or whiskey, if it's a JD and coke) and occasionally brandy. Even then, I very rarely drink, despite the fact that it actually has a rather helpful effect on my body - namely relaxation - and I don't get hangovers. Why don't I drink often, then? Simply because I don't feel I need a drink to have fun, as well as the fact that spirits aren't a particularly social beverage, unless, of course, you're with fellow whisky-lovers.

This means that, for all my knowledge about how helpful it is for me, it's not usually the first thing I think of when I'm in pain or uncomfortable...which is probably good? For the last two nights, though, in an experiment to investigate whether it'd help my sleep difficulties, Mama has made me a yummy hot toddy - and it's helped! The discomfort hasn't gone completely, but it's on its way out.

(I should say, to close, that these hot toddies won't be a long term fixture. For all I wanted to be provocative, I don't want to come across as an alcoholic!)

Saturday 9 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Ninth - smile

Ninety-nine posts! (Or at least there will be once I polish off the backlog, which I plan to finish doing tomorrow in celebration of reaching one hundred. I'll let you know if that succeeds.) 

So today, because of that plan, instead of a lengthy post - not that many of the recent updates have been long - I have a friendly reminder. It's helped me hugely over recent days, which have been both busy and rather tough, and I thought it might be helpful for you too.

It's nothing spectacular, but I've found its effect to be. Just pause, take a moment to breathe, and smile. Not in a 'creepy man on the street telling you to smile like you're beholden to do it' way, just to give yourself a private and personal boost - because we all need those every now and then.

Friday 8 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Eighth - on the importance of a good soundtrack

Several of the posts in my backlog focus on strategies for tackling a heavy workload, so I suppose you could consider this one as part of a series, at least once the rest are up!

I've written before about the solace I find in music, and even posted a playlist of the tracks I used in training last year, so this particular strategy probably won't come as a surprise. (I can't lay my fingers on the links to the posts right now, but I'll add them when I can. Promise.)

Whether it's music that relates to a topic - in the case of my current dissertation, for instance, Baroque and early Classical composers - or just a mix of random enjoyment (which for me, I'll admit, usually includes those same composers anyway) it's often a great tool to de-stress and refocus energy. Different moods or artists may work better at different times of the day, or you may have a go-to track that always helps to pick you up. As with every aspect of life, it's never the same for everyone, and I'm just sharing what works for me. I've never had aspirations to be a lifestyle guru or anything, hehe...

Much love and good tuneage,

Jessi xxx

Thursday 7 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Seventh - moving on up

Today, amid yet more dissertation graft, I had a very important medical appointment. I won't go into the details of it, because some of what was discussed was highly sensitive and emotional, and doesn't only involve me. Nevertheless, I wanted to give some mention of it on this blog, as it is extremely relevant to the subject matter and marks the first point in the process of me being able to make some pretty fundamental changes in my life.

So here's to moving onwards and upwards!

Wednesday 6 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Sixth - one girl and her dog (and dad)

Today has been such a lovely day, spent in the company of my dear Papa and my Darcy dog. It was full of hard work, as I blasted off a scene of my latest draft of my play, but it was very definitely lovely - especially because my break consisted of taking said dear dog for a long walk on the Heath. The walk in itself was wonderful, of course, but it felt even more so for the simple reason that it's still such a novelty to me that I can get out there to go for the walk.

Yay for fixed chairs!

Tuesday 5 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Fifth - healing hydro

I know, I know. I write about hydro far too much. The thing is, though, my instructor was away last week and I missed out on two sessions. She had a lovely and much-needed holiday, so I didn't mind, but it felt so good (so good) to be back in the water this morning!

Monday 4 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Fourth - sleepy scrambled eggs

(I've decided that, although I feel super guilty about the backlog, it's better not to create more of one whilst I'm in the process of trying to clear it. So, despite the fact that I definitely haven't got time for long posts right now, I'm going to try and make time for some sort of update each day, even if it's just a sentence of gratitude, until the plethora of backdated posts materialises. For instance, today, I'd really like to write something longer to honour the centennial of the breakout of WWI, but I'm being very strict about my timetable - and my use of electronic devices, in a bid to sort out my sleep.)

Instead I write in homage to my Mama - and scrambled eggs. Sleep has got difficult again (having become considerably better, as you'll be able to read once I've got caught up) and this morning I was really feeling it, and consequently not feeling like breakfast. Or brunch. Or any meal whatsoever. Now, Mama knows that, when I get like this, I need something which is full of protein and which I can eat without much effort.

Cue scrambled eggs, cooked with basil, because plain egg has a texture that I can't always swallow that easily. And because my Mama is a star.

They, and she, provided me with the energy to get through today, to write more of my play (rhyme unintentional) and then to have a lovely catch up with a primary school friend. Huzzah!

Sunday 3 August 2014

Post the Ninety-Third - list

Firstly, I realise that, at the moment of publication, this is not my ninety-third post. Secondly, however, it soon will be - and that brings me to an explanation of the dual meaning of its title, 'list'. 

On a mundane level, then, it simply refers to the fact that (amidst the pages and pages of the play which makes up just half of my dissertation) I am still keeping an (ever-longer) list of dated daily topics for this blog. Yet it also has a deeper resonance, because I hope I may convey how much I list - a (now relatively archaic) synonym for 'want' - to be writing more regularly than is possible at the moment.

I'm not sure how many of you will even be reading this insignificant slice of the internet any more (I imagine very few) but I nevertheless would like to convey my sincerest thanks if you have stuck around, as well as my deepest apologies for letting you down so abysmally on the update front.

Love,

Jessi xxx