Post the Hundred-and-Ninth - for Eva

I haven't quite finished the backlog, and I've somehow created even more of one, because I've had so much work to do over the past week and a bit. Even so, this post needs to be uploaded before any of the others, because it's very important in spite (or perhaps because) of how difficult it is to get the words onto paper...or rather screen.

Today is the first anniversary of my dear friend Eva's passing. That is a very odd sentence for me to write, partly because I haven't had a first anniversary like this in a while, but mostly because Eva was such a lively presence that it's really hard to think that she's not here.

Except, of course, she is...because such an irrepressible spirit as hers doesn't just up and leave. So today, amidst the sadness and the disbelief, I find I am also filled with an immense gratitude, for her being there, for being my friend and for making so many wonderful memories for me and everyone else who knew her.

In case you're reading this somewhere, Eva Weva, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for your laughter, so infectious that, no matter how I was feeling, I'd join in - and of course feel much better.

Thank you for your hugs, which were like an envelope of joy.

Thank you for your fierce independence - and fifteen-year-old you teaching fourteen-year-old me that I could have it, too, if I wanted.

Thank you for the (constant!) texts - a comforting reminder that you were always on the other end of the phone. I still have your number saved, and always will.

Thank you for the in-jokes - head-banging to The Killers' Mr. Brightside in Starbucks, for which you ribbed me mercilessly afterwards, before making me listen to Rhianna...and love her for your sake. Having secret chats in BSL about cute boys (after making sure they weren't signing, in case they understood). Pizza and 'anti-Paris Hilton' propaganda in the back garden, because we were drunk on fresh air and happiness. The hilarity at all the ridiculous situations we found ourselves in, mostly courtesy of Jane. Ha!

Thank you for the reminder, by way of the Spice Girls, that all you need is positivity.

Thank you for the love.

Thank you for being you.

Shine bright like a diamond.